I’ve been getting asked for days to write about Ben and Jen… and have taken awhile because, as a woman who just celebrated her wedding anniversary over the weekend (one of them – we have two!), I didn’t want to think about it… Divorce is always sad, and the breakup of a family is always extremely so, even if it’s for the right reasons.
I obviously don’t know their reasons (though I’ve been reading up on the rumors for days… ugh), but I sincerely fear they will look back on this decision and regret it.
Yup, their charts are SOOOO good together. (Which is how they’ve lasted ten years – a whopping FOUR-and-a-HALF times as long as the average double celebrity marital couple! And why they’ve spent many of those years raving about each other and their idyllic family life to the media…)
So, if you know them, or know anyone who knows them, please send them to me so I can knock some sense into them!
(My husband has a great suggestion, as a longtime actor who’s been friends with many a celebrity over the years, and worked with tons of household names and sex symbols, is that they NEVER be apart… and that Ben and Jen should be like Paul and Linda McCartney – who only spent 9 nights in separate beds in their long, successful marriage – and only then because Paul was in Jail in Japan for marijuana possession!
He thinks it’s not smart to leave your amazingly hot, famous spouse walking the streets of any city, or sleeping alone in any trailer or hotel room… and that they should bring the kids onto each other’s film sets, and always be a family. Not a bad idea!!!)
I much prefer to write about HAPPY celebrity stories (like Ashton and Mila, who got married over the weekend!! WOOT WOOT! I’ll do them next time)… as I feel a little slimy writing about famous people I don’t know when they are in sad, upsetting situations.
So, it’s my hope that what I’m about to share will help you understand astrology more and how it relates to ALL of us, and have some compassion for Ben and Jen. They are just living out their karmic tendencies, as we New-Agers like to say…
In the spirit of love and learning, let’s go to the astrological vault, shall we?
THE STARS OF BEN AND JEN
At first glance I see EXACTLY why these two got together and have had such staying power…
They share SO MANY of my all-time favorite astrological love connections.
(Remember – with everything I’m about to say I’m looking to the calculations of Vedic astrology, which differ from those of Western astrology by almost an entire sign).
His Venus (the planet of love and romance) is in the same sign as her Moon (the indicator of feelings) – in Gemini. Ahhhhh…. (This is what poets write about – one of the most romantic combos possible, which will make it next to impossible for them to be friends without still being in love).
They both have Jupiter (the planet of generosity, truth, fertility, abundance, and healing) in the oh-so-powerful sign of Sagittarius. (Which also happens to be her rising sign, making them both mutually supportive, and good for each other’s success and well-being… and has contributed to them having those three gorgeous kiddies so quickly).
Their rising signs (which is the indicator of YOU) are in the position of partnership to each other – making them able to be themselves with one another, and making them feel like they are meant to be partners from the start.
Not only that, her Sun sign is in the position of partnership to his Moon sign – another extremely bonding/instantly profound connection.
As if that weren’t enough, they are almost the same age, giving them the same positions of the Nodes of the Moon (known as Rahu and Ketu in Vedic astrology), which creates an overwhelming feeling of destiny between two people – that “bigger than the both of us” kind of thing.
That’s a lot to walk away from…
When they say they’ve given this a lot of careful consideration, I believe them.
So, what gives?
If they are so compatible, what went wrong?
If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you know I say it ALL the time.
Compatibility is just ONE of FIVE CRITICAL KEYS TO LOVE.
But I’ve only written above about the kind of compatibility they have with what’s called “Synastry” – which is when you look at how things “line up” between two charts. It’s VERY important, but there’s something much MORE important.
And that’s looking at their emotional affinity, by looking at the compatibility of their Moon signs, and specifically their SMALLER Moon signs, called “Nakshatras.”
(This is the incredible, ancient technique I write about constantly, looked to in the “Right Man Report”… used in India for forever to arrange marriages, which reveals how the “relationship energy” flows between them… MORE important than anything!)
When we look to this, they have (again!) so much going for them… In fact, they just have one problem.
In interviews, Ben has admitted to being a workaholic, saying, “My wife does everything… she’s very patient with me.”
And, amazingly, the biggest challenge in their compatibility as it relates to their emotional affinity (as quoted in “The Right Man Report” ), says this:
“RESPECT: This relationship is set up so that the energy will flow from the woman to the man. This throws the woman into the doer role. This could have the result of the woman feeling like the man does not care about the relationship as much as she does, since she is ending up being responsible for everything. (Almost his exact quote!) Since the energy is not flowing from the man to the woman, the man will not get the opportunity to do as much, which will not give the woman the opportunity to appreciate the many things he might do for her. Just when the man is starting to think of what needs to be done in the relationship, the woman is already doing it.”
This tends to make women just a teensy bit RESENTFUL.
In one quote I read, Ben said of his wife and daughters, “I live with three women. I get to be wrong three times…”
So this dynamic is no fun for the woman, but it’s not fun for the man, either. Both of them have suffered.
BEN’S RELATIONSHIP CAPACITY – AN ADORABLE MAN WITH WEAKNESSES…
Speaking of workaholics, the planet that makes us overwork, and overdo is Saturn.
And, when Saturn is having a strong influence on the Sun or Moon of a man – or woman’s chart – it weakens his ability to be present for a relationship.
Even when they are there, they aren’t fully “there.” They are thinking of what they need to do, and they can get lost in their responsibilities.
In ancient India, before looking at the topic of COMPATIBILITY, astrologers would look at something called “Capacity” – which essentially means, “the CAPACITY” a person has to BE in a relationship.
Ben, although obviously having an amazing chart, and being an incredibly bright, attractive, hardworking, and charitable guy, has a couple of challenges here (to be fair, we’ll get to her later…).
The biggest challenges (other than compulsive behaviors, which he’s admitted in terms of gambling, working, and drinking) both have to do with him not knowing what he wants, as spelled out in the “Chart His Heart” capacity report, :
~Saturn aspect Sun~
“Saturn in this position makes it very hard for him to do get clear on what he wants, pursue it, and then be happy once he’s attained it. Often what he thinks he wants is the result of his desire to compensate for some personal weakness or internal lack and not what he is really inspired to have. It is only those things that men are inspired towards that are ultimately satisfying, so if he is chasing other things he will only find himself dissatisfied when he catches them. Not being clear in what he wants and the real reasons that he wants them will make it so much easier for him to fail or give up when things get hard – a woman needs a man who keeps going until he succeeds, not one who keeps going until it gets hard. Hard will always come so that is never a time to quit.”
I have no idea if this breakup was more his idea or hers… obviously, they’ve both showed tremendous commitment in their lives in many ways. But emotionally, this tends to make me think he’d be very sensitive and emotionally up and down.
I’ve seen him get into political/philosophical argument, and get quite adamant and angry. Jen has raved about him being an excellent communicator, and very adult and mature to deal with.
But, this Saturn/Sun aspect can do this (again, as quoted in the report…):
“Oftentimes this Saturn influence will make a man hard, pushy and self-willed, someone whose self-esteem is too low to relate in a healthy give-and-take way with anyone. Unless you want to be dominated, if he exhibits those tendencies, don’t think that your love can soften him, it probably won’t because Saturn is one of those planets that we can only heal on our own.”
The next biggest thing going on with Ben’s “Capacity” that makes it hard for him to “stay the course when the going gets rough” and know what he wants, is that the position of the Sun in his chart is in the same sign as an eclipse point (mentioned above as the South Node of the Moon, aka Ketu).
This creates this in his nature:
SUN CONJUNCT KETU
“This is a very tough position for a man to have in his horoscope, making it hard for him to know what he wants to do and hard for him to find satisfaction in what he does. This is critical in a relationship because until a man is secure on his career or life path, it is hard for him to know how to fit a woman into his life. Furthermore, Ketu can make him act less than masculine. With this combination in his chart, often you will be the one taking the lead, more than you want to. Additionally, there will be periods when he is really down on himself or really critical towards himself during which nothing you say or do will cheer him up.”
Jen has raved and raved about what a sweet man Ben is, and what a darling, doting father he is to their children.
That can be seen by this combination, too, but again – it makes her have to do too much:
“The one good point about this combination is that it will make this man a sweetheart and adorable – it helps make him a nice guy. A nice guy is great most of the time, but during those times that you need a bigger doer, this combination can leave you feeling frustrated with him.”
Amazingly, I’ve never seen this Sun/Ketu combination NOT create a breakdown of a person’s relationship with their father.
Ben is no exception. Although his father was also an actor, and worked with some incredible people (Dustin Hoffman, Robert Duvall, Jon Voight, Blythe Danner, etc.).
Wikipedia says, “While Affleck has described his father as a ‘very smart guy’ his chronic alcoholism often made Affleck’s childhood ‘scary and trying.’ His parents divorced when he was eleven and Affleck was raised by his mother. His father’s life ‘hit the skids’ in Affleck’s teens. When Affleck was sixteen, his father moved to Indio, California, completed rehabilitation, became an addiction counselor and later reconnected with his adult sons.”
Ben, too, has struggled with compulsive addictions, and alcoholism, something ALSO very common with this Sun/Ketu combination, and the position of Ben’s Sun at the VERY end of Cancer, on the cusp of Leo, a VERY negative place in Vedic astrology – called “Gandanta.” (This Gandanta” point is the cusp of all the water/fire signs, so on the cusp of Cancer and Leo, Scorpio and Sagittarius, and Pisces and Aries. Because the Sun – again – has to do with a man’s father, confidence, and overall ability to SHOW UP for a woman, this has caused Ben a lot of trouble throughout his life… and will likely continue to do so.
JEN’S CAPACITY TO LOVE… AND STAY IN LOVE…
When we look to the techniques that indicate relationship “Capacity” in Jen’s chart, she scores very well. MOSTLY.
Her Moon Nakshatra happens to be THE MOST friendly. And she certainly seems lovely and charming.
Ben once joked to EXTRA that he was the more romantic one, and that she often sent him texts that were “marching orders” like, “pick up our daughter!” and, “pick this $h!t up!!”
I hope he was kidding… But he might not have been!
Yup, Jen has the bossy, royal influence (the Sun), in its more powerful sign of Aries, where it is exalted.
Aries Sun people can be VERY dominant… even when they are a gorgeous, young ingenue.
Not only that, her Rising Sign (also known as her Ascendant) and Moon sign are ALSO in masculine signs.
When a woman has the Sun, Moon, and Rising sign ALL in masculine signs, she can have a hard time with men. She can (again!) DO TOO MUCH, and be a woman of “action” more than a woman comfortable with being vulnerable.
(Interestingly, she’s become famous playing such “women of action” – KICK ASS characters – first in her breakout role on “Alias,” and later in numerous movies… Ben even joked that in “Daredevil” “she won most of the fights in the movie, which was a pretty good predictor of what would happen down the road – my wife, holding swords and beating the living $h-t out of me.”
Her stars point to her romantic DESTINY being difficult, more than her being difficult…
Her house of partnership (the 7th) has some BIG problems. The Moon is there, indicating “many” marriages or marriage-like relationships. (This is her second marriage).
The Moon happens to be the “ruler” of her 8th house, the house of death, scandals, and upheavals. This is a divorce indicator in her chart (the “lord of the 8th house in the 7th”), especially when she’s young.
Speaking of house rulerships, the ruler of her 7th house is Mercury, and it’s in its weakest sign, Pisces, indicating she’d be drawn to partners who aren’t fully able to partner her. (Ugh!)
And she married him young – before 36 – but she has the classic “late bloomer in love” chart, by having Venus with Saturn – even though they are in the GORGEOUS sign of Taurus, which is in part why she’s so beautiful and such a fashionista. (Venus is the planet of beauty and style, and NUMEROUS fashion icons have been born with Venus there.)
When we marry young, but have Venus with Saturn, the marriage either doesn’t become truly happy until later in life, or the right partner doesn’t come until later in life. Her chart indicates a MUCH happier, golden time for love and marriage in her fifties. (Stay tuned!)
THE TIMING OF IT ALL – WHY NOW?
As for Jennifer’s timing now, she’s in a VERY painful time, as is he. They are BOTH in extremely challenging “Cycles of Saturn.” In her chart, Saturn is in her 12th house from her rising sign, and has been there since November of last year, and stays there until November of 2017.
In the “Cycles of Saturn” report, I explain this two-and-a-half year time this way:
“These are the years when the most frustration in your love life and professional life are felt – causes you to feel alone, unappreciated, rejected, or passed over… If in a relationship, it’s very important to make enough time for your partner, and to be sure your partner is getting their needs met. This is commonly when partners leave ‘out of the blue’ or relationships fall away unless all issues are addressed and healed.”
In his chart, he’s in the last phase of the seven-and-a-half year dreaded Saturn/Moon years…
In the “Cycles of Saturn” report I explain this period this way:
“Since the Moon is the planet of relating, and Saturn creates separation, this is often when you’re reevaluating and questioning your relationships. Often, your support system isn’t as available or as supportive as needed. This can be a lonely time. It’s not uncommon to have separations from your friends, lovers, partners, and family through moving, illness, overwork, travel, etc.”
Whew… this newsletter has been long.
I could go on and on.
But these are the most important highlights that jump out at me.
When it comes to love, one of the curses of being a celebrity is that – while they have so much money and freedom and beauty and OPPORTUNITY – all things you’d think would be GOOD – they are under so much more pressure than the rest of us.
Their loss of privacy, their insane schedules, and the endless temptations that show up along the way…
It is NOT a good mix.
When there are TWO celebrities in one couple, it’s a miracle if they can stay together at all.
In regular marriages with “normal” people, ups and downs are inevitable. But during “downs” there aren’t all those external things going on… there aren’t cameramen filming over the bushes in your driveway, lining up to catch you crying… or having an argument… or slamming a door. There aren’t strangers constantly interrupting your time together. There aren’t gorgeous costars knocking on your office or trailer doors, offering a shoulder (or, uhum, other things) to cry on… or lie on.
Yup. Tons of options are NOT a great thing… and tons of freedom can lead to a lot of freedom to be alone… and away from your kids… and dividing your stuff.
I sincerely wish Ben and Jen (no longer to be referred to as “Bennifer”) and their families well. (And seriously – have them call me!)
To recap, they have mostly good compatibility, but the main challenge put Jen in the “doer” role, likely more bonded to him than he was to her. If you think THIS could be you and YOUR relationship (or “possible” or past relationship!) find out here, and learn how to make the best of it.
Though they are both obviously incredible people, they each have some “Capacity” challenges, especially on his part. To find out if the man or men in YOUR life can love you – and what you can do to be the best YOU with him possible, go here.
When relationships fall apart, it’s often NOT that the couple isn’t good together… It’s that the pressures of the timing of their lives overwhelmed the good, and with their fame and fortune and lifestyle, it’s just too easy to walk away… I think that happened with Ben and Jen, and I think that would pass (since it always does!), but not for another couple of years. Clearly, they don’t want to wait, or can’t heal from whatever’s happened.
To find out if this could be overwhelming your relationships (or BLOCKING you from having one in the first place), go here.
As for me, I’m going to count my lucky stars that I’m married to a mostly unknown (but equally adorable and HOT) actor who doesn’t experience nearly the pressures of a celebrity…
And go read up on Mila and Ashton to share in some happy news next time!
Until then, may God and His planets and stars shower you with love!